Carpool: The concept of pooling the resources of various mother’ time and cars to ease the burden of driving on each mother. No one actually carpools anymore. Carpool line now refers to the time when moms throw on their Veronica Beard Blazer, Dickie, Golden Goose Sneakers and overpriced, pre-torn, t-shirts to gab about the pain they have inflicted upon themselves by having several kids and then signing said kids up for: soccer, violin, chess, math tutors, Chinese tutors, speech therapists, private soccer coaches, self-esteem counselors, orthodontists and drum lessons.
Cult: “A misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing.” This excessive admiration tends to be for attaining a size 00, attending as many social events as can be squeezed in-between football games, chess matches, Ballet-Booty Cardio classes, personal life coaches, tutor’s and Paleo Cordon Bleu Cooking classes. Please don’t ask who is eating the food. It’s not these women. There is excessive admiration and pursuit of “straight A,” children who are articulate, have a firm hand-shake, and ability to make small talk. Daughter’s of this cult are expected to maintain the ideal and rather unhealthy body frame of a super-model (see Gigi Hadid, Kendall Jenner, Kaia Gerber). Whilst maintaining this body type they are also expected to excel in at least one varsity sport, get straight A’s and volunteer. Ritalin and Vivance are popped like Baby Aspirin.
Couture: “Fashionable made to measure clothes.” Very few people actually wear haute couture, Chinese aside, but most do steer towards mid-level couture. Street couture. The uniform typically depends on whether or not said mom has a job “outside of the home.” The stay-at-home set favors expensive sneakers and boots, blazers, and fur lined parkas. The working mothers, whether they work at an actual job or have created one to avoid volunteering in the schools, stick to Veronica Beard pantsuits.
Culture: “The arts and other manifestations of human intellectual achievement regarded collectively.” The carpool set has made a conscious effort to raise carpool dressing and soccer mom outfits to an art. One might argue they have succeeded. (See Pret-A-Reporter’s spicy take on the matter). My mother would have argued that this might be an affront to say, Thoreaux or Tennyson. She would argue that no one cared what Emily Dickinson wore. She would be right. But, I would argue, where would we be without Jane Austen to poke some fun at her set.
Carpool Coulture: The study of a certain social set and the absurdity that this lifestyle entails. If you stop to eavesdrop you will hear lots of grumbling about the live-in who can’t ever get the linens put away correctly, whining about the manicurist who had the nerve to get sick when one has a “big event,” split ends caused by a botched keratin treatment and pure-bred dog’s whose walkers have the nerve to take vacation leaving the owner to walk the dog. Ironically, these women have real problems too. They just work very hard at seeming like they don’t. Trust. Drugs, trailer families they have kept in their closet, secret divorces. You name it, they got it. One could really say that Carpool Coulture is the taxidermy of the ridiculous.
We will explore this phenomenon whilst enjoying ourselves. This site aims to provide a laugh, some insight, and some fun. We may just venture on some trips. Who knows. Let the adventures begin.